Sunday, August 12, 2007

Q&A: quads

While I was in salt lake city, Michiko informed me that i was missing quad measuring hot topic on thursday/friday. 53 comments on Angela's blog?!?! Many questions surfaced, and i think a Q&A is in order.

Q: How do you measure your quads?
A: This is very easy. Most simply, take a tape measure and wrap around the thickest part of your leg. (See question below for further detail.) In the absence of a clothing tape measure, use a piece of string and then a hardware tape measure. This is what I do.

Step 1: Wrap a string (or cloth tape measure) around the biggest part of your quad. Pull tight. Make sure the string isn't crooked. A mirror or roommate is a good resource for this part.

Step 2: Align the end of the string on a tape measure.

Step 3: Pull string taught to see how big your quads are. Wow! 60.75cm. (I prefer to use metric because it is more exact.)

Q: What part of your quads do you measure?
A: Ahh, the question of much dispute. I don't understand why there is so much dispute! Obviously, you measure the biggest portion of your quad, so you have a bigger number! When women measure their cup size, they do so from the largest part of the breast. So too should you when measuring your quadies. Go for girth.

See the biggest part of the quad that is unexposed to the sun? That is where you measure.

Don't measure way down here! Do you want unimpressive numbers?! You will just get laughed at if you say your quads are 35cm.

Don't loosen the string to get a bigger number. You are only cheating yourself. Everyone will know if you have puny climber quads anyway.

Q: But the biggest part of my quad has fat on it; isn't that cheating?
A: No! That is dumb question. Of course there is fat in your thigh. There is also tissue, blood, and bone in your thigh. The important part is finding the biggest part of your quad and measuring it on a regular basis. You can then track how your muscle changes.

Q: Help! I don't have a tape measure. What can I do?
A: Well. Not much. I suggest borrowing one from a neighbor or friend. If that won't work, find a large cylinder object in your house that you can compare your quad next to on a weekly basis.

I won this energy drink at the timpani crit. I have not used energy drink yet, but it does serve as a good comparison of my quad size. This container is 40cm. My quads are 60.75 cm.

Q: Wait, I'm lost. Why exactly do you measure your quads again?
A: It is a good way to track your progress, week by week. You can see your muscles grow and shrink during the season. Also, if you measure each season, you can see what adjustments in your training program did to your muscle growth. Not that I have a training program, but if I did, I am sure this would be cool to know....

Mostly, though, it is great to brag about your strong quadies. I love nothing more than talking about my strong legs. Your friends love to hear about your muscles. They like it when you pull down your pants to show them your strong quads and new muscle definition. Or when you make them grab your legs in public to feel your strong muscles. Friends and strangers love touching your strong legs. You bike a lot- let them touch! We can all be winners here.
Random Friend: Beth, I haven't seen you in months! What's been going on?
Beth: Well, I've been biking a lot.
Random Friend: Really? Cool. How are you doing?
Beth: Great! Want to feel my quads? They are really strong! [Beth flexes her quads and makes random friend do the two handed leg grasp. Sometimes this is awkward]
Random Friend: Whoa. Those are really muscular.
Beth: Yeah. Want to see all the lines separating the different muscles in the quad? [Beth pulls down pants to show random friend the muscles.]
Random Friend: uhh, cool. I gotta go ...
This is what your friends get to see when you pull down your pants for them to show them your strong muscles. It's a big hit at dinner parties.

Q: Beth, help! My quads are getting so big my jeans don't fit! Should I change my training to get more "normal quads"?
A: First, congratulations on your quad growth! Second, HELL NO! Huge quads are awesome! So what if your pants are a little tight. In fact, my pants have gotten so tight since I started biking, I think I should go back to junior high school. What you should do if you have tight jeans is the following:

Squat. Do lots of squats in your jeans. This loosens them up.

Q: But don't squats make my quads bigger, and thus, my jeans tighter?
A: Touche.... But that is the genius of the squat. It makes your jeans looser in the time-being and your quads actually get bigger in the long run. Squat away, baby.

Q: A lot of cyclists are on strict diets...especially those climbers. What is your nutritional program to make your quads so friggin' big?

A: I am so glad you asked! In my short experience as a biker, I've discovered cyclists can be a little whaaaaaack-ooooo about their weight. In this wise words of Mike Fox-Boyd, my track & field captain when I was a freshmen in college:
You gotta eat to compete!
That really says it all. Quad growth requires calories. Lots of them. I eat all the time. I finish all my roommates food that they can't finish; I eat all their leftovers; I eat everything in the house. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night to eat. My friends say I get a crazy look in my eyes like I don't know when I am going to eat again. It is good to live with people who aren't cyclists because you can eat all of their food. For those people who are in two-cyclist households...well, I bet you are both too skinny and have relationship issues over someone eating more than their fair share of food. In short, I suggest finding roommates or a partner who doesn't have a big appetite.

Q: Okay. But what about your diet? What foods make your quads grow?
A: As you might have guessed, protein is key. As is calories, like I discussed above. I can't bother myself with diets or good foods or bad foods. When you eat as much as I do, you will definitely be getting 10 times your daily recommended whatever in every category. In this case, quantity really out does quality. Calories calories calories. Here are some thing, though, that can help quad growth.

Protein powder. To be honest, this shit isn't mine. I think it is nasty; I don't really use it. But I hear it is high in protein. The only time I really used it was when i fucked up my teeth so bad I couldn't eat solid foods for two weeks. But, protein powder is a quick way to get lots of protein. They also have stupid names like: "Whey to go!" or "Show me the Whey!" Gag me. Just drink it fast to pound back that protein.

Peanut butter. Yeah. This is what I'm talking about. I am a vegetarian, so I like to eat lots of peanut butter. It is good in all forms, especially spoon in the jar. Your roommates might get mad at you for eating all the peanut butter in two days...but don't let that make you stop eating. Blame it on your quads. They need it.

Maybe quad girth is genetic. I am half Hungarian. That means I eat paprika, sour cream, and dumplings a lot. I suggest trying this diet to make your quads big like mine.

As I discussed above, caloric intake is key to quad growth. Sometimes your jaw gets tired from eating so much. In those circumstances, try to drink your calories. Beer is a good option. Steel Reserve is by far one of the worst cheap beers. Don't use this. (Personally, of the cheap beers, I like Shaeffer. But I am from Ohio, and they don't have it out here). There are many fine microbrews in California. Dark beers are very good for you because, in addition to lots of calories for quad growth, they also have lots of vitamins and minerals. I suggest Boont Amber Ale if you are trying to make your quadies biggers.

This is healthy food. This is good for digestion. It is also good for rabbits. But you need more than vegetables to get big quads!


Chocolate. In all forms. In fact, the Austrialian sprinting coach makes his sprinters get big quads by giving them chocolate cake between intervals. If it works for the Aussie's, it works for me!

Nutella. Better known as, the breakfast of champions. Before I go on long rides, I like to eat nutella and toast as a dessert to my breakfast. Dessert is always good cause it give you more calories. Just because it is breakfast doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have dessert. I am all about eating ice cream, cake, pie, and/or cookies for breakfast.
Q: Oh, but I just can't eat that kind of stuff before I go on bike ride.
A: Bullshit. If you are so friggin' tough you can go ride 120 miles and climb up mount diablo twice, i think you can eat two stupid pieces of cherry pie and ice cream for breakfast. Your body can be trained to eat things like this for breakfast, just like you can train it to peddle for hours on end.
Well, I hope that Q&A helped with information on how to measure quads, why we measure, what we can do to get bigger quads. If anyone has any further questions, please ask and I will happy to provide further assistance.



36 comments:

twinkiepatissier said...

Even your panties are orange!

Yeah, show off your Timpani 2nd place prize, HEED!!

Q: Wait, I'm lost. Why exactly do you measure your quads again?

A: It's for the head:quad ratio study that I conduct.

CyclistRick said...

Excellent! Eat, eat, eat. And chocolate cake for breakfast; I'm with you. Long ago that wise man Bill Cosby said about Chocolate cake for breakfast: "Chocolate cake? Chocolate cake's good food ..."

Flandria said...

ha ha ha! oh man my eyes are teary from laughing!

chatterbox said...

Tee hee. Thanks for the Q&A.

Is that some American Apparel you are sporting?

I will measure the biggest part of my quads and get back to you.

WarrenG said...

I think my quads just got bigger from reading this!

More food for thought...
Slow twitch fibers that are getting stronger don't grow much in size. Fast fibers do.

Slow fibers use oxygen (and other things) to do what they do, and they need oxygen to convert fats to fuel. Fast fibers (the strongest and largest ones) don't use oxygen to do their thing and they can not use fat for fuel. They use mostly sugars, like cake and brownies!

Generally speaking, someone who is good at endurance will be able to burn fats better than a sprinter.

For best results you'll want to measure quads asap after some sprints when the muscles are still full of blood and stuff. Like Enzyte Bob!

Velo Bella said...

Goulasch!

I eat dumplings too. That probably explains why my quads are so big.

Thanks for the handy dandy Q&A. The pictures help too. Especially the jean stretching. Armed with this new information, I am going to walk over to the sewing department and re-borrow their measurer.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

i feel ... strangely happy.

Chris said...

Great post :) I followed your instructions and measure a 62cm.

marscat said...

Our Daisy kittie would like to add that Friskies Mixed Grill works for her.

Velo Bella said...

I think that Heed bottle is the size of marscat's quads

Anonymous said...

Very impressive quad #s- now all that is needed is a device that measures how this # changes while riding.

jAndy donka-donk said...

I feel like I made it to second base without paying for dinner yet......

AdamB said...

awesome! i forwarded this to my girlfriend.

Betsy said...

i made my boss look at the pictures of your quads, mostly because i was almost in tears when she came to ask me something. tell your quadies that i'm bringing some animal protein home in the form of eggs and milk tonight.

xo

WarrenG said...

75+cm...
http://www.pbase.com/zidar/image/42223782

dr-nitro said...

Oh, topics like this just produce quad envy.

Calves are where it is at.

Also, when did they stop selling Sheafer in California? I grew up on that. Grew out of it, but still grew up on it.

WarrenG said...

Calves? Larry N.

Ippoc Amic said...

I could have used this post last week since our first measurement was way down by our knees...

twinkiepatissier said...

ippoc amic - you have wednesday to look forward to doing justice!

i record all the numbers only between wednesday and thursday.

Anonymous said...

I also use empty Heed bottles as a potty in the winter when I'm stuck on the trainer in the garage. Re-use/recycle. It's a good thing...

Baublehead said...

This has to be one of the best posts ever. Very clever and well written to boot.

Amy said...

laughing outloud and loving being your SIL right now! Come ride that bike in Oregon.

Tony Rocha said...

I must say, my jeans got tight while reading this post, thanks!

Carol said...

You are too friggin'funny, Beth!! I luv the detailed discussion on quad measurements!!!!

Hanana Banana said...

i got my neighbors banging on the walls you got me cackling so loud! great stuff beth, please continue to enlighten us all with your quaddy exploits...

El Guapo [TC] said...

I don't undersstand...please show more pictures of your quads ;)

Michelle Stiles said...

I am no bike but a female athelete. My jeans haven't fit my queads in some time. I have tears in my eyes after reading this. Wonderful!

CSIBionic said...

Beth I love it. I need help with the reverse. I have bigger quads than you do, and wish to be normal and wear dresses without people starring. I also like to eat cake and I don't like to exercise.
What would you recommend?

Bess said...

I can't stop laughing. My flabby quads are shaking...

Anonymous said...

hot vag! i came.

Anonymous said...

I want to lick your thighs

Ron said...

Interesting fact if you do a google image search for "quads muscles" the pic of your leg is one of the first hits :)

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever been more turned on .. !

cialis said...

Hello, I do not agree with the previous commentator - not so simple

Anonymous said...

Love the suggestions. Reminds me of the at the all-you-can-eat contests at Sizzler before a big race weekend.

But I gotta say I loved the pics even more! Any woman that's willing to drop her pants to show off her quads is alright with me!

Peter said...

This is brutally honest and brilliant thank you Beth! I am about to start condition for a very active season on the boards next year and your refreshing language makes up for all the genetic bollocks you read in magazines!!